Forgiving, Forgetting, Moving On...

The past week was just one of those weeks where almost every stress I've had in my life lately seemed to come to a head. You've heard that when it rains, it pours...well, last week it flooded. And it left me drained, physically, emotionally, and creatively. It's difficult to be at odds with people, particularly people I care deeply about. But I've come to realize that, at some point, we all have to take a stand for what we believe is right...even when it royally ticks others off.

Due to building frustrations over several different issues, I have said a number of things in the past weeks that were not expressed as kindly as they could have been. Even though I believe what I intended with my words was justified, the hurtful way the words were received was not a part of that intention. I have apologized for that, but to date, the apology has not been accepted. As a result, I believe that I have come to an end of friendship into which I've invested quite a lot of myself. It's been a long, bumpy, emotional road, but it's still tragic to see its demise...especially in the way that it happened.

However, whether it's a coincidence or divine intervention (I believe the latter), I have recently heard from several different sources the importance of forgiving AND forgetting. Not forgetting the friendship or the friend, but forgetting the wrongs...and moving on. I can't make my friend forgive me. Anyway, if I tried to push that, it would probably only make the situation worse. I've sincerely apologized, so all I can do now is offer my friend forgiveness and move on. If I hold on to it, all it will do is continue to bring me down. And there's no point in that. I have to let it go.

As a writer, I rely on conflict to make my stories interesting and to keep them moving forward. But in my personal life, I despise conflict with a passion. Though, I do have a bit of a temper, I rarely lose it. Instead, I'm more of a middle ground type of person. I like to look at situations from as many points of view as I can before making any sort of judgment. And I like to keep the peace whenever possible. Am I always successful at this? Obviously not. But I try. And I will continue to try in the future. Still, in this situation, I can't sit back on my heels and wait for something to change. I've opened my heart to reconciliation, but if my friend doesn't want that, then that's her choice. I'm forgiving, putting it behind me, and moving on.