A Year In The Life...

Today, I allowed myself some time to wander around one of my favorite places in the world...a bookstore...in this case Barnes and Noble. Anyone who has ever helped me move just involuntarily groaned at the thought that I've added a few more books to my collection. Well, of course I did! I couldn't resist it! Anyway, I was looking for a little inspiration. With all the stress and chaos of the last couple of weeks, the well of creativity has gotten pretty shallow, and I'm in desperate need of a little refreshment. Fortunately, I think I might have come across just the book...A Year with C.S. Lewis: Daily Readings from His Classic Works.

I love C.S. Lewis! I own a copy of most everything he's written, and I am forever amazed at his depth and perspective. I like that fact that he can relate to his readers on so many different levels, and I always seem to discover something new in his words. The book I bought today is just what the subtitle says it is...a book of daily readings from his various works. Though I have yet to fully delve into my first reading, at first glance, the excerpts seem short but thought-provoking...exactly the little bursts of inspiration and encouragement for which I've been looking.

The thought of spending the next 365 days skimming through some of Lewis' most treasured works made me start thinking a bit about my life...about how far I've come in the last year...and how far I hope to go in the next. In day-to-day life, it feels like I've been spinning my wheels since last August...getting my hopes up about the prospect of this job, this opportunity, this new relationship, only to have it all end in disappointment. It's not that the whole year has been a disappointment...it's just that it hasn't gone quite like I had hoped it would. However, I think at some point down the road, I'll look back on this time and realize that what I've learned over the last 365 days was invaluable to my future. I've certainly had a few tough lessons in patience and perseverance...and I've realized more and more what a treasure my family really is. I've learned that some friends stick around forever, just as close as family...and other "friends" will abandon you as soon as you're no longer any real use to them. I've come to understand that it's okay to take time out for myself and to say no every now and then. And I've admitted to myself that even though I long to find that one man with whom I will spend the rest of my life, I am a bit relationship-phobic...or perhaps commitment-phobic...or maybe it's just indecisive. Actually, I think it's that I over-analyze relationships just as I over-analyze most every decision I face. I suppose I just need to allow myself to go with the flow a bit more...step out in faith, expecting success rather than disappointment. Maybe that's what I fear most...disappointment.

Next year, on August 23, I hope I can say I took what I learned this last year and applied it to my life. I hope I've taken steps forward instead of backwards. I hope I've faced my path with enthusiasm and not dread, hope and not fear, expecting success and not disappointment. But I think it's also important to set tangible goals as well...so when August 23, 2010, rolls around, I am setting the goal that I will be a paid writer in some form or fashion. I'm not talking about on the New York Times Bestseller level...I'm just talking about selling an article or a short story or a script...just something...some step forward.

Just by typing that, the fear is already creeping in that I might fail. I might not achieve that goal. But I have 365 days, and really nothing to lose...anyway, what if I succeed? I'll just keep my eyes on that. So 365 days...