I apologize for not writing in a while, but I've spent the last couple of weeks finishing up work, hosting a friend, entertaining my parents, and packing. With all of that, I haven't had much time to think, much less write. And as it is now about 11:15PM and I have to help load my moving truck before hitting the road tomorrow, this will likely be a rather short post. However, I have full expectations of getting back in the swing of things really soon...so watch out!!!
Yes, tonight is my last night in California...for a while...and I'm honestly okay with that. As a matter of fact, I'm ready. I think - as you might have deduced from my earlier posts - I've been being led towards this move for quite some time now. Sweet Home Alabama has been calling, and I'm obliged to listen...and no, I'm not on some strange Lynyrd Skynyrd trip...this is something deeper, spiritual. If I haven't said it before, I will now - I am a huge believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. While I'm not entirely enthusiastic about moving back in with my parents for a bit, I know that the purpose for this move, as well as my three and a half years in California, will become clear with time.
Though I've teared up a few times in the past couple of weeks at the thought of leaving behind cherished friends, I do choose to be excited about this move. Life is what you make of it, and I intend to make mine a success no matter where I go from here. Who knows???!!! This could be the jumping point of something big...or even something small...but I move forward from here with full faith that I'll end up right where I've needed to be all along.
So don't for a moment think I've given up. I've only stepped off the beaten path to blaze my own.
P.S. I'm not sure what my Internet access will be like over the next several days, but I'll try to provide little snippets of my travels when I'm able.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
A Day For Looking Back...and Moving On
Do you remember where you were when you first heard about the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001? It's a day that lives in infamy, along with Pearl Harbor and President Kennedy's assassination.
I was in Mrs. Braggs' English class my senior year of high school. Class was coming to an end, and there was quite a bit of confusion as to what exactly had happened. We made it to Coach Young's Calculus class just in time to see the second plane hit. We sat and watched, transfixed, confused, uncertain...silent. Then, the first tower collapsed...and not too long after it, the second one. I don't think anyone had articulated clear thoughts up until that point, but as the dust and debris from the second tower rose into the NYC skyline, Coach Young asked quietly, "Do you know how many people you just watched die?"
Maybe that question was a harsh dose of reality, but it's one that has stuck with me in the years since. We see replays of the planes hitting those buildings and the towers collapsing in on themselves, and we think how horrible that day was. But it's a little more difficult to allow our minds to venture to the fact that those moments caught on tape were the last moments of nearly 3000 lives. Rather than what I was doing that day, I think about what they were doing...working, traveling, chatting on the phone, eating breakfast, reading a book, catching up on the morning news...any number of the tasks we go about on a daily basis. The people on the planes had some forewarning as the highjackers commandeered the aircrafts...they had time to think about their final moments...to try to get in one last, "I love you," or one final prayer. However, many of the people in the buildings had no idea this was going to be their last bite of food, their last piece of paperwork, their last step, their last word spoken...their last breath.
And, honestly, neither do we.
We make plans, set goals, and fill calendars when not even our next moment is guaranteed. It's important to look forward to what could be, but it's equally important to look around at what is. Appreciate what you have and love the ones closest to you because you never know when you won't have the moments to follow through on the good intentions. Perhaps it's a bit dismal, but it's the truth...and if any of the victims of 9/11 could speak to you now, I believe they would be telling you the same thing.
Today was another 9/11 that will probably stick with me for a while. It was my last day on the job with the studio. Unfortunately, it wasn't an altogether pleasant day because several others lost their jobs along with myself, so there were a lot of long faces and worried eyes all around. I'm thankful I had already made the decision to leave voluntarily and head home. I've been learning lately that sometimes you have to back up a bit before you get the footing to move forward. I think some of my work friends are going to learn that lesson as well...not that they'll back up in the same way that I am by going home...but just that they'll have to take a new look at where they are and where they're going. It's hard to leave a comfort zone and venture into uncharted territory...but sometimes being pushed unexpectedly out of the boat lands you right on the shore of where you needed to be all along. That's what I hope for my friends...and for myself.
Good night to another September 11th. Good night to the victims of that day and to all those who've lost their lives fighting for the cause since...and PEACE to all of their families and to all of us who still find time to take a few reflective moments on this day. I pray you - like me - find your footing and continue to move forward.
I was in Mrs. Braggs' English class my senior year of high school. Class was coming to an end, and there was quite a bit of confusion as to what exactly had happened. We made it to Coach Young's Calculus class just in time to see the second plane hit. We sat and watched, transfixed, confused, uncertain...silent. Then, the first tower collapsed...and not too long after it, the second one. I don't think anyone had articulated clear thoughts up until that point, but as the dust and debris from the second tower rose into the NYC skyline, Coach Young asked quietly, "Do you know how many people you just watched die?"
Maybe that question was a harsh dose of reality, but it's one that has stuck with me in the years since. We see replays of the planes hitting those buildings and the towers collapsing in on themselves, and we think how horrible that day was. But it's a little more difficult to allow our minds to venture to the fact that those moments caught on tape were the last moments of nearly 3000 lives. Rather than what I was doing that day, I think about what they were doing...working, traveling, chatting on the phone, eating breakfast, reading a book, catching up on the morning news...any number of the tasks we go about on a daily basis. The people on the planes had some forewarning as the highjackers commandeered the aircrafts...they had time to think about their final moments...to try to get in one last, "I love you," or one final prayer. However, many of the people in the buildings had no idea this was going to be their last bite of food, their last piece of paperwork, their last step, their last word spoken...their last breath.
And, honestly, neither do we.
We make plans, set goals, and fill calendars when not even our next moment is guaranteed. It's important to look forward to what could be, but it's equally important to look around at what is. Appreciate what you have and love the ones closest to you because you never know when you won't have the moments to follow through on the good intentions. Perhaps it's a bit dismal, but it's the truth...and if any of the victims of 9/11 could speak to you now, I believe they would be telling you the same thing.
Today was another 9/11 that will probably stick with me for a while. It was my last day on the job with the studio. Unfortunately, it wasn't an altogether pleasant day because several others lost their jobs along with myself, so there were a lot of long faces and worried eyes all around. I'm thankful I had already made the decision to leave voluntarily and head home. I've been learning lately that sometimes you have to back up a bit before you get the footing to move forward. I think some of my work friends are going to learn that lesson as well...not that they'll back up in the same way that I am by going home...but just that they'll have to take a new look at where they are and where they're going. It's hard to leave a comfort zone and venture into uncharted territory...but sometimes being pushed unexpectedly out of the boat lands you right on the shore of where you needed to be all along. That's what I hope for my friends...and for myself.
Good night to another September 11th. Good night to the victims of that day and to all those who've lost their lives fighting for the cause since...and PEACE to all of their families and to all of us who still find time to take a few reflective moments on this day. I pray you - like me - find your footing and continue to move forward.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Really?
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,548843,00.html?test=latestnews
To heck with reflective thoughts today, I read this story and said, "You've got to be kidding me!" I mean really, this woman paid $582,000.00 for a dog??!!! I thought my purebred Welsh Terrier was expensive! I'm sorry - I know there are probably some hardcore dog breeders out there that somehow justify this - but I think it's ridiculous!! Especially in the economic climate that exists today! Granted, the woman who paid over half a million dollars for the dog is Chinese, not American, but it's still the most absurd thing I've heard in a long time.
Now, I've never been one to begrudge the wealthy some extravagances because I know that if I had the money, I'd have a few myself; however, $582,000 for a dog is unfathomable to me. It seems there are a lot more worthy things in which this money could be invested. After all, people are hungry, people are sick, people are dying because they don't have basic necessities, much less a high bred dog. Perhaps this woman is a great philanthropist - I admit I'm judging her without knowing the full situation - however, my gut reaction is disgust, mostly because I can't even begin to comprehend the reasoning behind this purchase.
I'm sorry to get up on my soap box this evening, but today, I watched as a number of young people (temps, along with me at the studio where I work) lose their jobs because the busy season is over. I am voluntarily leaving because of my decision to go home, but a lot of my friends were depending on this position. Yes, it's a part of the business - and we all knew that going in - and several of those let go may get rehired in the coming weeks - but it still doesn't make it feel much better. After seeing that today, this article just struck a real sore spot with me. If anyone has it to offer, I would welcome enlightenment where this story is concerned...I am trying desperately to understand.
In the meantime, I hope they keep that dog secure...I'll bet even $582,000 dogs like to chase car tires.
To heck with reflective thoughts today, I read this story and said, "You've got to be kidding me!" I mean really, this woman paid $582,000.00 for a dog??!!! I thought my purebred Welsh Terrier was expensive! I'm sorry - I know there are probably some hardcore dog breeders out there that somehow justify this - but I think it's ridiculous!! Especially in the economic climate that exists today! Granted, the woman who paid over half a million dollars for the dog is Chinese, not American, but it's still the most absurd thing I've heard in a long time.
Now, I've never been one to begrudge the wealthy some extravagances because I know that if I had the money, I'd have a few myself; however, $582,000 for a dog is unfathomable to me. It seems there are a lot more worthy things in which this money could be invested. After all, people are hungry, people are sick, people are dying because they don't have basic necessities, much less a high bred dog. Perhaps this woman is a great philanthropist - I admit I'm judging her without knowing the full situation - however, my gut reaction is disgust, mostly because I can't even begin to comprehend the reasoning behind this purchase.
I'm sorry to get up on my soap box this evening, but today, I watched as a number of young people (temps, along with me at the studio where I work) lose their jobs because the busy season is over. I am voluntarily leaving because of my decision to go home, but a lot of my friends were depending on this position. Yes, it's a part of the business - and we all knew that going in - and several of those let go may get rehired in the coming weeks - but it still doesn't make it feel much better. After seeing that today, this article just struck a real sore spot with me. If anyone has it to offer, I would welcome enlightenment where this story is concerned...I am trying desperately to understand.
In the meantime, I hope they keep that dog secure...I'll bet even $582,000 dogs like to chase car tires.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Goodbyes and See Ya Laters
09/09/09 has been a pretty good day...well, except for the two cavities the dentist found...but other than that, a good day. Of course, I've been thinking quite a bit about my coming departure from California. These huge moves take a lot out of you...physically and emotionally. It's hard to leave the life you've built in one place, even when the life to which you're going is just as wonderful...in a different way. Moves always bring lots of "See ya laters" to the people with whom you know you'll do your best to keep in touch...but there are also always a number of "Goodbyes" to the people you know you'll likely never see again. It's not exactly a bad thing because it's just a normal part of this ever-changing life - it's impossible to keep in touch with absolutely every person you've encountered (though Facebook tries it's darnedest) - but it still makes my heart ache a bit. I'm more than a little sentimental, so I do sincerely cherish the people who have touched my life in a positive way...and there have been a lot here in Los Angeles and Orange County. Some of them are older, some of them are younger...many of them are vastly different from me, but simply knowing them has given me the opportunity to grow in ways the would have otherwise not been possible. Yes, I'm a small town, Southern girl at heart, but I'll always hold a special love for this city. It's never quite been my home, but because of the people, it's been a welcoming and comfortable home away from home...one I'll most certainly be back to visit as soon as I get the chance.
So, keep me in your thoughts over the next few weeks as I prepare for my move, and I start my series of "Goodbyes" and "See ya laters." I'll be taking little parts of a number of special people with me...hopefully, I'll be leaving something positive and lasting behind in return.
So, keep me in your thoughts over the next few weeks as I prepare for my move, and I start my series of "Goodbyes" and "See ya laters." I'll be taking little parts of a number of special people with me...hopefully, I'll be leaving something positive and lasting behind in return.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
The Next Step
So I have decided to go with Plan B. I'm going home. I actually came to peace with it about a week ago, and the funny thing is that the very next day my manager asked me if I'd be interested in staying on in the position I'm in now. Any other day I probably would have been hesitant, but this particular day I had my answer, which was no. It's just not a job that is stable enough or financially sound enough to keep me in California. And I haven't had any other offers. So I'm heading home. But that's okay.
Like I said, I'm at peace with the decision, even excited about it. The only thing I hate is the pitying looks I get from people when I tell them. It seems that everyone but me believes I'm giving up on my dreams by going home. I just don't understand this thought process. Very few of the great writers of this world created their magnificent works while residing in the San Fernando Valley...or any other part of the Los Angeles area. Yes, of course, it is said to be the Mecca for anyone aspiring to be a screenwriter, but why should I live the starving artist lifestyle in a city that provides me with little to no inspiration when I don't have to. If I'm going to make it, I'll make it from wherever I'm at...or wherever I choose to be. There are hundreds - actually probably thousands - of writers who scrape and struggle and starve here in L.A. and never make it, just as there are everywhere. And there are writers who go about their lives clinging to their inspiration...and they make it no matter where they are in the U.S. or even the world. If I am going to make it, I want to be a part of the latter group. I want my talent to speak for me, not my location...or even my connections. I want someone to read my work and realize its value and its inspiration. Is that idealistic? Maybe, but I don't think a bit of idealism is all that bad. Anyway, we're all searching for our "ideal" situations in life...even those who accuse others of being too idealistic.
One thing I will miss about Los Angeles are some of the wonderful friends I've met here. When I first spoke of moving to California to study screenwriting, my then-boyfriend told me, "You won't find any Christian friends out there." Well, he was wrong. I have met some of the most open, loving, upstanding Christian friends out here...as well as a number of open, loving, and upstanding non-Christian friends. I still cling to the values and morals with which I came to California, but I have learned a number of important lessons regarding what I have spoken about before in this blog...perspective. Not everyone sees or approaches the world as I do...my beliefs are my own, not my parents', not my writing partner's, not my friends', not even my fellow Christians'. They're mine...but in owning them, it is also my responsibility to take time to look at the perspectives of others...what is the world that they see? I can be sensitive and respectful to others without compromising myself. Yes, the people I cherish here in California have taught me a lot. And for that I will forever be grateful.
So keep me in your thoughts over the next few weeks as I prepare for and make this huge change. It's daunting to think about moving back in with my parents after living on my own for seven years, but I believe this will offer me a chance to grow in ways I couldn't have otherwise. The house to which I'm returning is the one that first fostered my desire to write...and the people to whom I am returning are those who have supported me unconditionally in every new step of my life. I am not giving up. I am returning to my roots...for it is from the roots that new growth springs. Autumn may be coming...but for me, I'm getting ready to bloom.
Like I said, I'm at peace with the decision, even excited about it. The only thing I hate is the pitying looks I get from people when I tell them. It seems that everyone but me believes I'm giving up on my dreams by going home. I just don't understand this thought process. Very few of the great writers of this world created their magnificent works while residing in the San Fernando Valley...or any other part of the Los Angeles area. Yes, of course, it is said to be the Mecca for anyone aspiring to be a screenwriter, but why should I live the starving artist lifestyle in a city that provides me with little to no inspiration when I don't have to. If I'm going to make it, I'll make it from wherever I'm at...or wherever I choose to be. There are hundreds - actually probably thousands - of writers who scrape and struggle and starve here in L.A. and never make it, just as there are everywhere. And there are writers who go about their lives clinging to their inspiration...and they make it no matter where they are in the U.S. or even the world. If I am going to make it, I want to be a part of the latter group. I want my talent to speak for me, not my location...or even my connections. I want someone to read my work and realize its value and its inspiration. Is that idealistic? Maybe, but I don't think a bit of idealism is all that bad. Anyway, we're all searching for our "ideal" situations in life...even those who accuse others of being too idealistic.
One thing I will miss about Los Angeles are some of the wonderful friends I've met here. When I first spoke of moving to California to study screenwriting, my then-boyfriend told me, "You won't find any Christian friends out there." Well, he was wrong. I have met some of the most open, loving, upstanding Christian friends out here...as well as a number of open, loving, and upstanding non-Christian friends. I still cling to the values and morals with which I came to California, but I have learned a number of important lessons regarding what I have spoken about before in this blog...perspective. Not everyone sees or approaches the world as I do...my beliefs are my own, not my parents', not my writing partner's, not my friends', not even my fellow Christians'. They're mine...but in owning them, it is also my responsibility to take time to look at the perspectives of others...what is the world that they see? I can be sensitive and respectful to others without compromising myself. Yes, the people I cherish here in California have taught me a lot. And for that I will forever be grateful.
So keep me in your thoughts over the next few weeks as I prepare for and make this huge change. It's daunting to think about moving back in with my parents after living on my own for seven years, but I believe this will offer me a chance to grow in ways I couldn't have otherwise. The house to which I'm returning is the one that first fostered my desire to write...and the people to whom I am returning are those who have supported me unconditionally in every new step of my life. I am not giving up. I am returning to my roots...for it is from the roots that new growth springs. Autumn may be coming...but for me, I'm getting ready to bloom.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Hope Came Home
Hope came home, home to me today,
And fear has run the other way.
Words are weak that don't know how to say,
"You know I still believe in You."
And should my dreams fall through,
I will be safe with You.
So with every breath I can breathe,
I'll sing about how You love me.
I'll sing about how You live me.
-Bebo Norman
A tragedy that happened to a family back in my hometown today put this short but thoughtful song by Bebo Norman into my head. Being so far away from home, it's hard to be sure of all the facts...but to my understanding, a young man - just a few years younger than me - died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. It's speculation at this point as to whether it was intentional or accidental. But this - along with the recent high-profile death of DJ AM - made me start thinking about the importance of hope. Whether you're religious or not, you have to hope for something - strive towards something - live for something, something anchored deep within ourselves...without that, there really is nothing left.
I've taken several emotional and psychological hits lately, but I've never been anywhere close to the despair that one must have in order to take his or her own life. And I pray I never get to that point. What a terrifying place that must be! To feel that you have no hope for the future...that there's no chance for circumstances to ever get any better than what they are...to invest so deeply in another person or thing that there's no real reason to go on if that person or thing is suddenly taken away. Yes, hope is essential. It drives us forward, it guides us through difficult times, it allows us to envision what's just over the horizon.
Cling to your hope. Anchor it and hang on tight. After all, the loss of hope isn't just the loss of a cherished life...it's the loss of a next breath, another miracle, a beautiful sunrise that brings a new opportunity, a blooming dream, a son, a daughter, a mother, a father...a friend.
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