The Next Step

So I have decided to go with Plan B.  I'm going home.  I actually came to peace with it about a week ago, and the funny thing is that the very next day my manager asked me if I'd be interested in staying on in the position I'm in now.  Any other day I probably would have been hesitant, but this particular day I had my answer, which was no.  It's just not a job that is stable enough or financially sound enough to keep me in California.  And I haven't had any other offers.  So I'm heading home.  But that's okay.

Like I said, I'm at peace with the decision, even excited about it.  The only thing I hate is the pitying looks I get from people when I tell them.  It seems that everyone but me believes I'm giving up on my dreams by going home.  I just don't understand this thought process.  Very few of the great writers of this world created their magnificent works while residing in the San Fernando Valley...or any other part of the Los Angeles area.  Yes, of course, it is said to be the Mecca for anyone aspiring to be a screenwriter, but why should I live the starving artist lifestyle in a city that provides me with little to no inspiration when I don't have to.  If I'm going to make it, I'll make it from wherever I'm at...or wherever I choose to be.  There are hundreds - actually probably thousands - of writers who scrape and struggle and starve here in L.A. and never make it, just as there are everywhere.  And there are writers who go about their lives clinging to their inspiration...and they make it no matter where they are in the U.S. or even the world.  If I am going to make it, I want to be a part of the latter group.  I want my talent to speak for me, not my location...or even my connections.  I want someone to read my work and realize its value and its inspiration.  Is that idealistic?  Maybe, but I don't think a bit of idealism is all that bad.  Anyway, we're all searching for our "ideal" situations in life...even those who accuse others of being too idealistic.

One thing I will miss about Los Angeles are some of the wonderful friends I've met here.  When I first spoke of moving to California to study screenwriting, my then-boyfriend told me, "You won't find any Christian friends out there."  Well, he was wrong.  I have met some of the most open, loving, upstanding Christian friends out here...as well as a number of open, loving, and upstanding non-Christian friends.  I still cling to the values and morals with which I came to California, but I have learned a number of important lessons regarding what I have spoken about before in this blog...perspective.  Not everyone sees or approaches the world as I do...my beliefs are my own, not my parents', not my writing partner's, not my friends', not even my fellow Christians'.  They're mine...but in owning them, it is also my responsibility to take time to look at the perspectives of others...what is the world that they see?  I can be sensitive and respectful to others without compromising myself.  Yes, the people I cherish here in California have taught me a lot.  And for that I will forever be grateful.

So keep me in your thoughts over the next few weeks as I prepare for and make this huge change.  It's daunting to think about moving back in with my parents after living on my own for seven years, but I believe this will offer me a chance to grow in ways I couldn't have otherwise.  The house to which I'm returning is the one that first fostered my desire to write...and the people to whom I am returning are those who have supported me unconditionally in every new step of my life.  I am not giving up.  I am returning to my roots...for it is from the roots that new growth springs.  Autumn may be coming...but for me, I'm getting ready to bloom.