The sun is shining. The temperature is almost perfect. My dog is wagging her tail. I had red velvet cake for dessert after lunch. And I'm still feeling a bit down today.
After about a month and a half off, I began my job search again today. It was a tentative beginning...just checking my options and such...but it seems that for most everything I come across I'm either under qualified or over educated...and sometimes both. It's kind of a stinky place to be...especially in this economy.
Now that I'm back home, I've gotten endless suggestions of what I should do next...or what kind of jobs might be good for me. A lot of the suggestions sound great...if any of them actually had openings. I have full expectations that the whole writer's path will pan out for me some time in the future, but realistically, I've got to pay the bills until then (preferably without my parents' help).
So the deadline is February. That's when the last little drop will be squeezed out of what is left in the Bank of Georgia, and I'll go into real desperate mode. So say a prayer...offer a suggestion...anything would be welcomed at this point.
Fortunately for me, my family doesn't let me have too many downer days. They keep me motivated and encouraged...but every now and then, I dwell on it all a bit too much. Today was one of those days. But tomorrow will be better :).
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Sorrows and Celebrations
I've been thinking a lot over the last few days about the fragility of life. Over the summer, while I was still in California and unable to make it home, my beloved uncle passed away suddenly. Now, as I mentioned a couple of posts ago, another respected man in my church and my community died with little warning almost a week ago now. This man and my uncle lived across the street from each other...and they both died of massive, unexpected heart attacks. They both leave behind wives to whom they were married for over 50 years. My uncle had spent the morning getting up hay, and the man from my church had spent his evening at Bible study. They were both here one second and gone the next. There wasn't a lot of pomp and circumstance...there was no elaborate death scene...there were no drawn out moments for last requests and I love yous...just here, then gone.
I had a teacher who once said there are only two things you "have" to do in life...pay taxes and die. We all must face death, but almost every one of us gets a bit squeamish when we take the time to really think about it. We go through these periods - most often around the deaths of those close to us - where we ponder our mortality, but it's usually only a short time until we push it away again, saving it to consider on another day. Because no matter how much we realize we're not guaranteed tomorrow, we still expect it...we still plan for it...and we still take it for granted.
Yes, death is a part of life. Funerals at my church are considered celebrations of lives rather than good-byes because we believe that there's something extraordinary beyond this world. And that helps...it really does...but still, despite the hope and promise, your heart breaks over the immediate loss...the sorrow overwhelms...the sadness sets in...and you question how you'll even get out of bed the next day...you'll question whether it's even worth it.
But then you realize it is. And somehow you manage to throw one leg out of the bed, then the other. Because with all of your sorrow and grieving, the world keeps right on spinning, and life keeps moving. So you trudge on, putting one foot in front of the other until each step slowly becomes a bit easier and a bit easier. Then, you start to notice something...new life is springing up here and there...and the sting of the loss, though still not gone, is a little less sharp than before.
My church had a wonderful example of this last week. Just a few hours after one member left this world, another one was born. A brand, new tiny baby girl. Her presence didn't replace the sorrow, but it reminded us that there is a circle to this life...where one person's ends, another's begins. Even in the darkness there's still hope, there's still a promise that if we have the courage to take that next step, we'll find the sure footing we need to keep trudging on. Though we will always look back with fondness, we must look forward with faith...with celebration of what was, what is, and what is yet to come.
I had a teacher who once said there are only two things you "have" to do in life...pay taxes and die. We all must face death, but almost every one of us gets a bit squeamish when we take the time to really think about it. We go through these periods - most often around the deaths of those close to us - where we ponder our mortality, but it's usually only a short time until we push it away again, saving it to consider on another day. Because no matter how much we realize we're not guaranteed tomorrow, we still expect it...we still plan for it...and we still take it for granted.
Yes, death is a part of life. Funerals at my church are considered celebrations of lives rather than good-byes because we believe that there's something extraordinary beyond this world. And that helps...it really does...but still, despite the hope and promise, your heart breaks over the immediate loss...the sorrow overwhelms...the sadness sets in...and you question how you'll even get out of bed the next day...you'll question whether it's even worth it.
But then you realize it is. And somehow you manage to throw one leg out of the bed, then the other. Because with all of your sorrow and grieving, the world keeps right on spinning, and life keeps moving. So you trudge on, putting one foot in front of the other until each step slowly becomes a bit easier and a bit easier. Then, you start to notice something...new life is springing up here and there...and the sting of the loss, though still not gone, is a little less sharp than before.
My church had a wonderful example of this last week. Just a few hours after one member left this world, another one was born. A brand, new tiny baby girl. Her presence didn't replace the sorrow, but it reminded us that there is a circle to this life...where one person's ends, another's begins. Even in the darkness there's still hope, there's still a promise that if we have the courage to take that next step, we'll find the sure footing we need to keep trudging on. Though we will always look back with fondness, we must look forward with faith...with celebration of what was, what is, and what is yet to come.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Super Productivity November! Yay!
Well, November is here...ready or not! I've now been back in Alabama for almost a month, and though I've been moderately productive, I've allowed a few things to pull my attention away from my goals. Some of it has been necessary and unavoidable - unpacking and spending time with the family - but some of it has been laziness - sitting on the couch and gorging on TV after not having it for four months. However, I have decided that this month will be super productivity November! It's got to be! I want too much out of life to allow seconds, minutes, days, and so forth tick on by with nothing to show for it! This month is the time for determination, perseverance, and ambition to kick into overdrive!
I was talking to my cousin the other day about how easy it is to allow yourself to slip into a pattern of procrastination and inactivity. It takes so much less effort to sit on the couch and stare out the window than it does to put pen to paper and construct something creative. I love to write. It's my passion...and has been for as long as I can remember. However, there are some days when my head hurts more at the thought of figuring out a plot line than it would if I banged it against the wall for eight hours. Some days I can feel the story in the very beats of my heart, but I just can't get my brain and fingertips to translate it into words that do it any justice at all. On those days, the words "fail" and "can't" start creeping into my thought process, and I start thinking I should've taken another route...another path.
It's frustrating. It really is. And when it gets so frustrating is when I want to just set it aside and stare at the TV or out the window...or to run screaming across the pasture (I am back on the farm, you know)...but if I start taking too many days to stare at the TV, then I really don't get anything done at all...and that's just a waste. There are times for a break, and there are times to power through. Now is certainly my time to turn up the burners and plow right on through. I've got too many projects and thoughts and inklings that have been set aside for too long. I've just got to suck in a deep breath and take a running dive right in!
And you know what? I'm looking forward to it! This is super productivity November, by golly, and I'm going to celebrate!
I was talking to my cousin the other day about how easy it is to allow yourself to slip into a pattern of procrastination and inactivity. It takes so much less effort to sit on the couch and stare out the window than it does to put pen to paper and construct something creative. I love to write. It's my passion...and has been for as long as I can remember. However, there are some days when my head hurts more at the thought of figuring out a plot line than it would if I banged it against the wall for eight hours. Some days I can feel the story in the very beats of my heart, but I just can't get my brain and fingertips to translate it into words that do it any justice at all. On those days, the words "fail" and "can't" start creeping into my thought process, and I start thinking I should've taken another route...another path.
It's frustrating. It really is. And when it gets so frustrating is when I want to just set it aside and stare at the TV or out the window...or to run screaming across the pasture (I am back on the farm, you know)...but if I start taking too many days to stare at the TV, then I really don't get anything done at all...and that's just a waste. There are times for a break, and there are times to power through. Now is certainly my time to turn up the burners and plow right on through. I've got too many projects and thoughts and inklings that have been set aside for too long. I've just got to suck in a deep breath and take a running dive right in!
And you know what? I'm looking forward to it! This is super productivity November, by golly, and I'm going to celebrate!
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